Part 2 of a 3 part series
By Alys Sadler
I am conscious of Myself.
I’m going along thinking how much I’ve grown and evolved spiritually. But I felt like I should feel more complete; that I should have a feeling of achieving a great accomplishment, or the fulfillment of a task, or a job done. I could feel there was something more. I just didn’t know what it was or how to reach it, but I could feel I wasn’t at the end or what I thought was the end of my journey within.
What I didn’t know is that the end IS the beginning.
It is the ultimate discovery of what I wanted, what I was looking for, what I wanted to feel. That feeling within that nothing outwardly could satisfy.
What I also didn’t know
was that it would come in the peace of the night through my willingness to feel. I let go of thinking and allowed myself to just feel. I began to speak out loud the feelings that were impressed upon me. Funny thing, I thought I was speaking outwardly about someone else.
As I began to write down what I was speaking
I could tell it wasn’t exactly about someone else. I decided to type out what I had written down during this experience in the night and realized something more. I reiterated to myself what my experience was, I had felt these feelings, then I spoke what I was feeling, then I listened to what I spoke, then I wrote it. As I typed it out I realized that what I had spoken out loud about, to me, was about me. There it was. My breakthrough. Now, was the choice I had to make.
I could deny any of that experience, or, I could choose to believe the happening of it. The next choice was to allow it to be – without thinking. I chose to continue to feel without thought. I gave great consideration to this event that was taking place inwardly. I allowed it to continue.
I wondered is this real?
Is it true? Could it be true? Can this feeling of deep knowing be what I was seeking that whole time? I realized, I was thinking. Quickly, I checked back in to my feelings and yes, it was that feeling of fulfillment that I hadn’t quite reached before. It was a knowing and I was right there at the moment of decision. Sort of a cross road, that road to change. The choice was – should I choose to believe my feelings or return to my thinking?
I chose to believe my feelings
and let go of my thinking. I choose it now. This is my break out moment. The old barriers I put around myself with my thoughts. I’ve been holding myself in bondage for so long it just felt normal.
Love and light,